I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
