I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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