As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
