Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just cut my nipple shaving
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize