Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
