1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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