Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
