If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
