i permit you to call me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
