oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
