I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
