i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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