he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
