just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
