NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
