one two three fourrrrnication!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
