is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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