i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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