The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
