allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
