this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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