best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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