She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
