help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
