How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
