2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
