sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
