There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
