The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Do vagina's smell?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize