last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Damn victory sex feels great
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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