6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
