you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
