the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
