i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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