his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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