i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
