i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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