I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
