But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
