I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
