guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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