just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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