I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize