he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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