Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
