as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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