Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My vagina just recognized that song.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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