Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
