I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
