I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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