I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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