fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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