so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
