The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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