I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
