People in love make me want to vomit
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize