Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
