I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
