Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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