it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
