If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
