i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
