my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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