so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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