They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
