the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't deserve a penis
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
