"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
