hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
