uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
