i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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