There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
