Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
