I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
