im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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