At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
