Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Girls should come with a carfax report
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
