im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
