She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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