if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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