Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize