I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
