When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
