So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
