I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
