The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
