On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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