How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
