so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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