I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
