Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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