just tell him i said nine months
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize