And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
