i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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