I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
