Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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