i already hear my dad disowning me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
