I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My liver just had a heart attack.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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