My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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