I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize