I feel like abortions should bother me more
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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