I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
