Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
