There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
did you just send me my own nude
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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