I want to have your abortion
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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