so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
