Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Boobs are out for the taking
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
