Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize