I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
