I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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