Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
