can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize