Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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