well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
