we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
